An fòm?

So my lovely colleague Meagan teaches me and comforts me through this time of culture shock. I've only met her an hour or so a day, but she really is great. She's fluent in creole, she's steady and she knows what to inform me about. I am so thankful for her. And also for my german colleague Toby. It is so much easier to learn a culture by help of someone who can see it with your eyes.
Meagan taught me this greeting phrase 'an fòm?'. It means 'in shape', but people on the street use it as sort of 'what's up?' and then you answer with the same phrase which would translate to something like 'awesome!'. So apparently, if you use this as a 'blanc' (which refers to all foreigners by the way, not just the white) they will complement you and say 'wow you speak better creole than I do!'. "Which is a lie, but we love to work with those kinds of statements" - Meagan :) I haven't tried this out yet, so we'll see if it's true..

I've so far spent three days at the office.
Monday was the first day, which was spent mostly overwhelmed. Staff meeting in creole in the morning. Crazy shouting and joking all over the place - got translated maybe half of it. Then I read reports to try and get an insight into what they do. It was very interesting.
It is the most wonderful thing to be able to take part in something hands-on. They do monitoring work, will oversee the elections, teach human rights, and speak up on TV all the time with information and to fight corruption. Lelene (probably has another spelling) at the office is quite the celebrity, because she is the one most often on TV..

It is so easy to get angry when you are here. There is such an high presens of foreigners. A lot of people do good, but some have strange motives. This is not a surprise, but it just gets so real when you are here. Foreign soldiers are seen trading guns for drugs in the slum, or at the other end there are the rich diplomats, aidworkers and consultants with a 4-8 weeks rotation, who spend their time at home, in the car, at the office or at the UN. They never learn a word of creole, they never speak to anyone on the street. And they are supposed to give advise and decide on this country's reconstruction. It is ridiculous! The latest top meeting was held in New York. Just that. You would think we would have come further by now from the Berlin conference, the one where Europe divided up Africa with a map and a ruler..
Today I heard a woman speak who had been here six (!) years. She spoke english. She hadn't even picked up a greeting phrase. My colleague turned to our neighbors and said: this girl has been here 4 days and she already knows! (proud moment for me :)

My second day at the office was a reality check. We took a two hour car ride south-west along the coast to a town called Petit Goave. I loved the ride. I always say that if you want to see the true spirit of a country you need to go into the countryside. And it was beautiful and VERY bumpy (note that even driving within the city is enormously bumpy). The roads are partially destroyed from the earthquake. At one point we had to drive through a river. It was crazy and I was happy we didn't get stuck, because I would have been one of those that had to get out and push.. :)

The prisons though are a long sad story in themselves. You can't imagine. We went to a very small one. Road side. Just two cells. 68 inmates!
In Sweden two cells would have meant one prisoner in each. Here we're talking up to 30 prisoners. 80-90% have never been convicted. They are just held in 'preventative detention'. And the crimes are PETTY; stealing water, stealing wood, threats. Maybe killing a guy SIX years ago (time to bring it up now?). Of course crimes like rape or assault also, but Toby says he's never come across any trustworthy accusations of murder or similar. And remember that these are all just accusations - barely any convicitons. It is insane.
What RNDDH do is that they go out and interview the prisoners to get the data right. To see if they've ever been before a judge, how long they've been there (some since March), if we can contact someone for them etc. I just observed this time. I don't have the training and I don't have the language yet. But it was interesting.
Mostly because I was bracing myself before, thinking it would be aweful. and on paper it is aweful. But when you are there it's just you and them. One human being and another human being. I don't know if that sounds cold, and like I'm distancing myself, but for me it's been a good experience. It means you stop victimizing and just start spending time with them. This is why the consultants and diplomats should get out of their protective bubbles!

Today was my third day, and I was assigned to go to an international symposium together with my funny colleague Esaïe. We rubbed shoulders with some ministers and other high up people with nice power-points, but it was such a clash with yesterday. In french I would use the word 'nul', which might be something like 'rubbish' (my favourite british word) in english. C'est nul! Just really pointless and empty phrases. I asked Esaïe "So do you think anything will happen after this meeting?" "No, nothing (laughter). They promise you gold and diamonds and then tomorrow not a thing happens". And we're going again tomorrow - yay!

I have had my moments of this fear that comes from culture shock. It's objectively irrational, and when you look at it in the rearview mirror you don't understand why you felt it. But it's just this insecurity and loneliness and being overwhelmed that attacks you and makes you panic a bit. I think anyone who has travelled like this would recognize it. That's why it's so nice to have people around who have been through the same process. And I am really blessed, because I had no idea they would be here.
I've been feeling like I'm going totally blind into situations. I have no idea about anything. And I'm used to taking care of myself, but here there's someone to do every job. It's good, because it means sharing your wealth. But it is so strange because I come from Sweden, and we don't keep maids and such.. It gives me less of the overview that I crave. But it's an interesting process.
How I want to end this thread is by saying that I am happy that it has never been a whole day of feeling like that. There's always something in the day that makes me feel happy and safe. Mostly it's the wonderful haitian people. Monday night when I was terrified because Toby had, unaware of it, completely scared me about the upcoming prison visits, Fito drove me home. He is this sweet man who speaks poor english, but he loves to try. So we had an exchange in the car; I spoke english with him, and he taught me phrases in creole. He is laughing all the time. So is Esaïe. He made me feel welcome and safe. I love that.

So my heart is bleeding for Sweden now that a nationalist, racist party have managed to get into parliament.
I wish all who voted for them could come here. You'd be scared and lonely and overwhelmed. You'd see poverty and ruins and lots and lots of tents and dirt and misery. But you'd see the tap-taps (colorful buses), the beautiful chaos, the gorgeous mountains, the smiling people, and you'd be taken home safely by a nice and comforting haitian man with a moustache and a warm laughter. I think you could need that.

/Linnea